college.

okay, so i'm in my second month of college now. so far so good. had our first Philo depex last week, and first Math exam yesterday. i can't say i did good. but i can't say i did bad either.

it's been fun. although i have to admit i'm not all that happy pa rin with my course, i suppose it'll do. if i can, i'll shift next year (or kung pwede, next sem). if i shift, i hope it's a course where i'm happy na. :) ayokong magpalipat-lipat ng mga kurso, okay?

i miss my highschool buddies. although Marielle, Akemi, Lawrence and i hung out about two weeks ago, i still miss them.

i was planning to write a longer one, but i'm at loss for words right now. maybe next time. haha ;)

registered at UP Manila

yayyy! officially registered student na ako sa UP Manila. bahala na'ng BA OrComm course ko. i'll learn to love it this coming semester anyway. (actually, these coming semesters. next year pa pwedeng magshift) so yes, kung magshishift man ako, next year na yun.

but i'll be dreading my ID for the rest of my college life. ang pangit ng ID picture ko. i wasn't ready, and the camera clicked. tsk.

but what can i do? yun na yun eh. hahaha

9 hints from a dream

by 12 noon today, i was reading my friend's copy of Paulo Coelho's latest work, The Winner Stands Alone, to pass the time 'til the electricity comes back, until i felt like i could read no more. so i lay down on the couch, and closed my eyes. i set the alarm for every thirty minutes or an hour, in case the electricity came back at an earlier time. it did not.

here goes.

12.30 - i woke up by the sound of the alarm. i could not comprehend my dream. i was scared (okay, i wasn't. but i felt scared AFTER i replayed all that happened in my dream) i don't remember much on the details such as how, why, when and where. but i know that i was stuck with some classmates at a certain house. a normal one, by the way. didn't seem like a scary house at all. i'm not sure whether or not they were the owners of the house or whatever, but there were these small people (yes, as in MIDGETS -- i swear, i have nothing against them in real life) who kept driving us out of the house. but not in the sense that they wanted us to leave and go home. 'twas like, they wanted to eat us alive or something. i remember alan being there. chemai, as well. angel. xavier, i think. maybe beneva? kezia? maybe christine? arbee? krislie, too? lawrence, definitely. aurea, not so sure. basta short story: some e=mc^2 people were there with me. so yes, we were stuck at the house. i remember there was a double-deck bed at one side of the place. we made tambay there sa taas. there was sort of a large window on the side. and on the the other side of the room/house, were chairs, i think. or maybe sofa's? or big bamboo chairs? whatever. some sat there too. so as you can see, at that point in my life, i didn't get the whole dream pa when i woke up.

so i wondered whether or not the dream would continue if i went back to sleep. i lay down again. it did.

01.00 - this was around the time when we started feeling like, "oh my God, we have to go home now!" and that it was a matter of life and death moment. we made our own strategies (some individually, some as a group) on how to leave the place alive. it was very hard, because every time one of us just peeks out the door (it wasn't even a door, because one side of the house was completely open, as if we were in a doll house where you can decide where to put what to put the furniture on the open side - gets?) the midgets would look all crazy, and chase us, and we'd be screaming at the top of our lungs because we don't know what to do anymore, and the midgets would throw rocks and sticks (srsly, ikr?) at us, and we don't have anything to throw back at them (srsly, i can't believe we were so stupid in that dream. we could've used the sheets as nets and stuff. HAHA). then there was this tricycle that stopped by near the open part of the house, and i kept screaming at alan, "'lan, ingna guingona ug santan! daliiii!" and he ran. angel ran as well. they went to the tricycle driver. but there were other people who wanted the tricycle, and mentioned where they had to go. and then alan shouted from afar (i had no idea how he got so far from the tricycle when a second ago he was just there) "hala! wala diay naapil ug ingon ang santan!" and i was furious. so i went to the driver and told him. the driver gave it a thought, and i was thinking, "f*** you dude, srsly, does it not show on our faces that we need this ride right now?! think faster!" but i kept quiet. and then he told the other people that they could ride, and didn't even tell us a straight-out "no", he just drove away. just like that. funny how in real life this really happens. some drivers should realize that they drive people to their destinations because it's their job, not because they want to go here and there. srsly.

and then i woke up. and i seriously wanted it to end already, so i went back to sleep.

01.30. i woke up, and replayed everything that happened in the last thirty minutes. the first scene was where everyone gathered together, sort of. most people were on the top of the double-deck bed. some on the chairs. alan and angel were standing on the cabinets, so that they could still see what was happening on the top bed of the double-deck bed (wth? is there another name for this kind of bed? srsly.) i wasn't mad at alan anymore. HAHAHAHA! i probably felt like, "hello, mistang, this isn't the time to hold grudges. he has a life too and he has to save that as well, not just yours, okay?" and i probably agreed with that little voice in my head. lmao. so anyway. we were talking. i'm pretty sure we were talking about how we're gonna die, why we're gonna die, what will really happen to us, blah blah blah. i'm not even sure if we have graduated na in the setting of the story. hahaha! and then that's when it happened. on the pillows near the side where alan and angel were standing, these creatures appeared. at one second, they were sort of like caterpillars. and a second after, they were feathers. no, really. FEATHERS. i know, right? a feather isn't even an animal! wth. 'twas like, they're crawling as caterpillars, and change into feathers, and float another step for a second before they transform back to caterpillars. they weren't harmful, by the way. they were just..THERE. hahaha. and then someone just spread the word. apparently, there were students from another section in the area (mga anak ni berting, if you're interested in which section it is, let's chat, or Plurk me, or whatever). but they weren't dealing with a life or death problem. 'twas more like a fail or pass kind of problem. THEY WERE GOING TO PERFORM SOMETHING. ikr? srsly. i don't even know who spread it anymore, and how he/she got the news. i'm pretty sure it was kezia. hahaha. and then we started getting mad. we thought it was unfair. and then twilight came, and we really felt like we really had to leave na, as in. we were chased again. they threw rocks and sticks at us again. but here's the funny part: we were able to get out of the house. we ran.. and stopped by at a store. we haven't had lunch. there was tinolang isda, and some other viand.. i now cannot remember what. so yes, WE WERE BUYING LUNCH. but we knew the midgets were just around the corner, they couldn't find us around the house. we had to hurry. we didn't. i asked for an order of each viand. and that's when i realized: I LEFT MY BAG IN THE HOUSE. i knew i couldn't go back, and that even if i begged, no one would do it for me as well. so i asked someone if i could borrow some money, and told her (yes, 'twas a girl) i'd pay her as soon as possible if we survived. she said she no longer had money. okay. and then it was lawrence's turn to order. i asked him if he could pay for my order, and that i would pay as soon as possible if we survived, and i told him about the bag. he said yes. GOD BLESS YOU LAWRENCE. KAHIT SA ISANG PANAGINIP, HINDI MO IPINAGKAIT ANG IYONG PERA. LMAO. so yun. i bought lunch. pero we weren't gonna eat pa. we ran again.

and then i woke up. and for the last time, i decided, i went back to sleep.

02.00. now it gets freakier. i remember ma'am toledo being there. maybe ma'am villamor? i don't know. i'm sure ma'am espina wasn't there. basta, some teachers were there. we weren't in the subdivision anymore. we were far from the house, i think. somewhere in montilla boulevard, but the buildings looked different. they were bigger, but deserted. it was dark. i had no idea what time it was at night. but we were still running. we kept running down some stairs, because the midgets were again chasing us. the teachers (ma'am toledo, especially. i remember her presence the most because she had speaking lines, LMAO) were with us too. and then there was an office or something. the teachers stopped and said we had to talk to them. and us, the students, were mad. we said it would be foolish to stop now. what if they won't believe us or help us? but we stopped anyway. the midgets weren't on our tails yet.


okay. the story had no concrete ending when i woke up at 2:00 PM. so that's where the story telling ends. sorry guys. but i know a lot of things, from that dream. i realized them while i was typing.

(1) i have a feeling that this dream has something to do with a statement i let out earlier today -- "i am afraid to go to college with this height". yes, laugh all you want. but it's true. it's a weird feeling knowing that i'm going to college, and i'm not even a hundred and sixty centimeters tall. shucks. maybe this is what my dream was about, in general? about my fear of possibly being inferior because of my height. but hey, in the story, we escaped (somehow, although the ending isn't clear), which probably means that i should know that MY HEIGHT IS NOT GOING TO STOP ME FROM SURVIVING. odebah? bongga. i love my height na. lmao.

(2) the story's ending isn't clear -- which implies that no matter what, no one will ever know what happens in the future. what will happen happens, whether you like it or not. it's just up to you to survive. :)

(3) "we made our own strategies (some individually, some as a group) on how to leave the place alive" -- e=mc^2 people, i was disappointed. haha. even in a dream, we couldn't even be a team when we had to.

(4) hint: when it's time to cram, that's when we do so well. just like in the dream. it was almost night time, and we really had to escape na, and we did. i love you, mga anak ni berting.

(5) we will always want food. no matter how difficult the situation is. imagine? nagstop-over ba naman sa tindahan while the enemies were chasing us? srsly, people. haha

(6) lawrence is a real friend. grabe. like i said, kahit sa isang panaginip, hindi mo ipinagkait ang iyong pera. thanks lawr. mwah. :)

(7) i have to learn when and when not to leave my stuff. tsk.

(8) "and us, the students, were mad. we said it would be foolish to stop now." -- no matter what, students will always think they are better than teachers and that they know more than they do. we don't, and they do. we think we're always right and they're not. we're not, and sometimes they are. (ma'am toledo, if you're reading this, i love you ma'am. gi-tag tika kay bida pud ka sa akong damgo. haha!)

(9) long-story-short -- LONG LIVE RAKISTAS. mapa-life-and-death man ang situation, as long as we're together, there's a way to survive. i love you guys.


Thank you Lord for this dream. this actually made a lot of sense, after a few playbacks in the back of my head. it had a lot of lessons. i just didn't realize them everytime i woke up from the alarms i set. it's like God made me dream this so that i may be aware of my past, present and future with the people around me. it's like He's given me a hint on how to survive college. THANK YOU LORD. I LOVE YOU. <3

late: UP Manila FTW!

HAHAHAHAHA. the results came out noon pa, pero since i haven't been blogging for months now, ngayon ko pa 'to naipost dito. lol.

okay. happy na ako ngayon. at least i'm going to UP Manila, right? that's a big achievement na. and come may 13, enrollment naaaaaaa! :) excited and scared at the same time.

sana naman, maka-move on ako from what i'm feeling right now: super sadness from the thoughts of graduating and being so far away from the e=mc^2 rakistas. i love you guys. will miss you all. and the reel family, we should reunite every now and then, as in. :)

my future (?)

i originally posted this as a note on Facebook. i haven't been blogging lately (mainly because i've forgotten i had one, and i didn't have anything to blog about lately. lol)

so here goes: (copy+paste lang po ito, maybe a little tweaking)

this may not be the best time to talk about my plans in life, because i'm about two months (now two or three weeks) away from graduating, and i should've given this thing a lot of thought before the school year even started. but what the hell, i couldn't help myself from living life like i want to. (just to clarify things, i *have* made up my mind now)

college. so i passed BA Organizational Communication at UP Manila. great. first choice campus, second choice course. good, but not good enough to get the course i actually REALLY wanted. intarmed. oo, i accept na, pangarap ka na lang for me. sige, i'll move on. one day.

so yes. i passed. most probably, i'll be going there for college. okay. baseline. i don't like organizational communication. well, not that i DON'T LIKE it. siguro, for the most part, it's because i don't fully understand WHAT the course is about or what it's for. but then again, i do know that it relates to some management and duh, communication. for some info and background, read this.

okay. so english. language. maybe i can live with that. pero hello, i might as well have chosen journalism, or masscomm. which, by the way, do not interest me at all.

to be honest. one of the reasons i chose that course during application, was because it was a non-quota course, so i won't have any trouble getting in just in case. and i guess the course IS okay..

I WANT TO BE A DOCTOR. in a way that i start out as a medical student, not a BA-blahblah student, who then proceeds to medicine proper. i can't imagine myself doing anything else in life besides becoming one. it's always been a goal. sige, sabihin niyo na'ng gumagaya lang ako sa ate ko. go ahead, say it. pero just so you know, NO, I'M NOT. basta ba'ng we have the same things that we want in life, or want to do in life, may gumagaya na sa isa? no, it doesn't mean that. it means that she wants something for herself, and i want this as well because i believe i can make a lot of things happen in my life if i get it. pero oo, sige na. i am not going to be a medical student.

i know i can always shift to another course the next sem, but the thought of being left behind one sem from my classmates (presently, i mean) does not appeal to me. i want to go to college without any failing grades, shifts, repeats, or anything for that matter. gusto kong mag-college na diretso-diretso, as if nasa highschool pa ako. na para bang walang hinto ang buhay sa paaralan, dahil naka-sked lahat. i don't want to be NOT interested in my course because i know God gave it to me, but i can't help thinking of what i must have done wrong sa exam. bakit di ko nagawang pumasa sa first choice ko? mas ma-aacept ko pa siguro ang speech pathology na course. well, duh, because it's medicine-related.

and the worst part of all this? the same as the best part. i can always proceed sa medicine, after my four years sa OrgComm. but i'm sure, by then, ang hirap na ng buhay ko. by then, ayoko nang mag-aral. mawawalan na siguro ako nang gana because in the first place, i'm not all that into it sa course ko. and then about what my mom said. that i can take courses na lang sa summer, so that i'll have some background on biology, orgchem, chem, physics (kung meron ba), etc for when i proceed to med after the four years. okay. so in short, wala na ako'ng life.

i would've liked going to ateneo de manila, for the AB psychology course i passed. but i wasn't able to send an application for the scholarship. so yes, hindi namin ma-afford. hello. ang mahal.

ust? the courses i passed for were medical also. but yun nga, mahal as well.

the problem lang naman kasi.. is that admu is in quezon, and ust is somewhere far as well. intramuros ba? idk. basta far from malate, where my sister is, and where we can live together na lang. so yes, that's a definite no no no.

xavier university. also psychology. mag-xavier na lang kaha ko? magkauban pa mi sa ako classmates. LOL.

okay, bitter na lagi ko about my future college life. accept na nako. sorry. this is just how i am. pero, it's just that.. i don't know what my life would be after OrgComm (sa 4 years).

and now.. i am confused with my life. sorry Lord.

ikr. grabe. tsk.

pero yes, i have made up my mind now. magshi-shift na lang ako. to some other course where i'm happier (duh, alangan na ba i shift to a course where i'm miserable. haha) :)