i'm sorry, but i just don't want to spend the first hour of my day in class being upset about seeing one of my friends weeping all over the place. that's just too melodramatic, don't you think? i've had enough of it. i'm not saying i'm done with you, or anybody. i'm saying i'm done with this crap.
i know that we say we're the best clique out there. but let me make it clear. no, we're not. because our clique is full of people, too obnoxious and proud of being the best possible friends out there that they end up being bad ones. like i said, i don't want to start my day crying for something i'm not guilty about, or mad about. i don't want that kind of mess. i want friends, and that's it. those friends don't even have to listen to whatever i have to say. all i want is fun. fun, not tears. not drama. not complaints. not doubtful reasons, nor unreasonable doubts. i don't want to be miserable for the rest of my highschool life.
and don't judge me for what i said up there. i never said i'm mad at you, so don't go ahead telling the others that i'm sick of you all. i never said na "nagkulang" mo, so don't get upset thinking about what you did wrong. and most definitely do not go ahead to telling people that i am hanging out with the best liars, the most competitive enemies, the most shallow judges, and the worst friends, because that's not true. they're not like that at all. sometimes i think they're great, not because they're all freakin' girls who don't freakin' care about what comes out of their freakin' mouths, but because they know how to make fun of all their problems. don't worry, i love you all. i just feel like something's wrong, and i feel like this is what's wrong.
sometimes, people just have to learn how to stop crying. you feel guilty? say you're sorry. don't drag people around to a corner of the room and cry 'til the whole class notices you. because that's not being guilty. that's being "maarte" and "papansin". talk to someone, don't talk to everyone. that's not looking for comfort, that's looking for attention.
you're mad at someone? or just upset about something with someone? talk to someone, but then approach that person you're upset with and start a conversation to settle it. don't go around complaining to other people, making them your bridges. because being a bridge between enemies is a ruthless and a freakin' job.
are you happy? i don't care. okay, fine. let's talk about it and celebrate for a while. say it once, say it twice to my face. i don't care. just don't go for hours jumping around in front of me telling me how ecstatic you are when you know it shows in my face that i don't care anymore. because if you keep on doing that, then it's going to be my day that ends up ruined and unhappy.
is there something you want or don't want? talk to me. but end it. make it stop. don't tolerate it. otherwise, you're a hypocrite. stop pretending. it's what people hate the most. it's what i hate the most.
you upset about something really bad? fine. talk to me about it because i will listen. please, ask for some advice if i've got some to offer. but that's where it ends. don't drag me down because of it. don't ruin my day if yours is already ruined and doesn't get better in the long run.
you wanna know why i've been spending less time with the people i love, and more with the people you despise? i don't know either. but i realized something when they asked me this: "ming, ngano'ng sige ra man mo'g hilak sa inyo'ng grupo? pirmi ra naa sa inyo ang drama."
i don't remember what i said. but now i know what i should have said. "because they care too much. they do, i don't. which is why i'm here with you. i get that my friends love and care for each of us. but what they do is nonsense at some point. you care about people with problems? talk to them and help them solve it. not help them cry their eyeballs out. that's what they do sometimes, which is why the problems never end, and i just don't get it. don't get me wrong. i care for them too. because i love them. they're good friends. that's all they're trying to be. but what i do when i care, i don't cry with them. it'll make them feel worse. it'll make them feel like crap. it'll make them look down on themselves. i know it'll make them feel worse because people are pitying them. so i don't cry with them. i'll ask, and listen, if i can. and that's all there is. i say something nice in return if they need it or ask for it, but i won't give tears for them like i'm the one with the problem."
sometimes i think about our differences from them. they're crazy, obviously. they start fights, but trust me, not all them are unreasonable. sometimes they're right. not all the time they ruin people's lives just because. they ruin theirs because those people destroy theirs. get it? it's called getting even for a reasonable reason. i know, don't fight fire with fire. but what if the fire's too big for you to handle? would you be willing to take the risk of waiting for it to disappear? no, i don't think so. no one ever does that. at some point or another, you will fight with someone. you'll hurt others. you'll get hurt. and the next thing you know, you're breaking. it's the circle of life. no one lives without going through that phase.
i'm not really sure what my point was when i started typing this, but i just felt like i had to say stuff. those words came out, so didn't bother swallowing them back.
sorry if i hurt anyone. but then again, why would someone get hurt after reading this? after all, if you cry or feel hurt or mad, it only means you're guilty. and from the very start, i told you it's not you, it's me. *oh look! a stone!*
